The Katie Vick Award - Worst Storyline of 2011

This award is for the worst angle in wrestling during the year - a storyline that was terrible, ridiculous, disgusting, stupid, in poor taste or outstandingly bad in any other way. The dishonour is named after the memorable 2002 storyline in which Triple H suggested that Kane, during his days as a taxi driver, had had sex with a woman named Katie Vick AFTER she had been killed in a car crash. Triple H then went on to simulate the act with a mannequin in a casket, just in case anyone was having trouble understanding what exactly he had meant by the term 'to have sex with a corpse'.

Last Year's Awards:

Winner - Edge kidnapping Paul Bearer, holding him hostage and Kane accidentally killing him

1st Runner Up - Abyss getting magic powers from Hulk Hogan's Hall of Fame Ring

2nd Runner Up - John Cena getting fired, but appearing on every show since

WINNER - THE ANONYMOUS RAW GENERAL MANAGER

Okay. When this started in June last year, it wasn't a bad storyline. Never mind that we had to put up with the ridiculous sight of wrestlers in the ring being interrupted by a chiming laptop. Never mind that we had to ignore the suspicious fact that the anonymous general manager could seemingly send two-paragraph mails in response to something that had happened ten seconds earlier in the ring. Never mind that we had to tolerate the brilliantly selected camera shots that clearly revealed a blank laptop screen and Michael Cole reading from a script lying on the keyboard. Despite all these things, the prospect of an unknown entity pulling the strings was intriguing. Who was it? Bret Hart? Stone Cold Steve Austin? Shawn Michaels? Not a heel Triple H! Summer turned to fall, then to winter, and as we entered spring and Wrestlemania season, WWE still had not revealed the identity of this mysterious ruler. Mick Foley joked that maybe WWE was waiting for his TNA contract to run out to reveal that he had been the GM all along. We laughed it off. Classic Foley! (Disturbingly, his contract did run out before this storyline ended.) And how did the storyline end? After one year and twenty-seven days of buildup, WWE brought this saga to a thrilling climax by...pretending it had never happened. Triple H became the COO and the Raw GM was never mentioned again, although inexplicably the bloody podium complete with laptop would continue to be set up for several months. Maybe Steve Jobs or Gaddafi had been the GM. WWE takes the top prize on this award for the staggering achievement of building up a vital storyline for a year without an end in mind and then blissfully writing it off.

1st RUNNER UP - WHATEVER THE HELL WAS GOING ON WITH THEODORE LONG AND AKSANA

For several years now, WWE has had an inexplicable urge to center storylines around Theodore Long, several of them romantic, all of them horrible. Students of marketing have been studying this phenomenon for years, and have pronounced themselves mystified. There just is no logical explanation for it. I can only assume that Long saved Vince McMahon from drowning as a child, or something to that effect. The latest entry in the terrifying Long saga came this year with his ambiguous relationship with mysterious new Diva Aksana. (Of legendary NXT Season 3 "Everyone wanna...be like Aksana" fame) WWE even used subtle cinematographic techniques to highlight the sensuous tension in Long's and Aksana's relationship - every time Aksana walked into Teddy's office, it would be flooded (automatically, of course) with purple light and romantic mood music. Theodore Long would also look scan 270 degrees of the office (mysteriously ignoring the gigantic camera) to make sure they weren't being watched. Top-notch stuff.

2nd RUNNER UP - JINDER MAHAL ENSLAVING THE GREAT KHALI BY THREATENING TO DIVORCE HIS SISTER IF HE DIDN'T DO HIS EVIL BIDDING

Before I add footnotes, I shall attempt to tell the story with a straight face. Once upon a time, Jinder Mahal was from a very, very rich Indian family. The Great Khali was from a very, very poor Indian family. Somehow, despite these vast socioeconomic differences, Jinder ended up marrying Khali's sister. One fine day, Jinder ends up in WWE and orders Khali to do evil deeds, such as winning matches and stuff. Khali is flabbergasted. Jinder says that if Khali doesn't do what he says, he will divorce his sister and send her back into poverty. Now the footnotes. I think Bollywood screenwriters of the '90s and the Indian Judiciary can rightfully take offence at this amazing storyline. The screenwriters because it clearly plagiarizes their material, and the judiciary because apparently WWE thinks they would allow a man to walk away with 100% of his assets in a divorce after the man in question has been cheerfully indulging in mental cruelty, threatening behaviour, extortion and slavery on an international television programme broadcast in - Michael Cole will tell you how many instead of calling the match -countries. (Not that they wouldn't) Also, WWE unintentionally implied that The Great Khali has not made enough money to support his sister in the five years that he has been working with the company. (Not that he should have)