The 10 Best WWE Entrance Themes

Winter has come and gone, and the Gorilla Post springs back to life with a guest blogger: Some of you may remember (I like to pretend I have a constant readership) the one and only Abhishek Sen, who has collaborated with me on this blog before (http://from-parts-unknown.blogspot.in/2012/01/new-years-special-12-suggestions-for.html). 

The Shillong City Saint is back for a special appearance, and today he will tell us about his favourite WWE entrance themes of all time. If you wonder why he is an authority on the subject, a look at his excellent music blog should convince you: http://scene-unsorted.blogspot.in/

Here, without further ado, is the man's list in his words, and in no particular order:

Hulk Hogan

The very first instance I can recollect of a gimmick in a song. Hogan's theme of 'Real American' resonated with the character he portrayed in the '80s. When he preached about saying your prayers and eating your vitamins, kids in Reagan's America believed him. And therein lay the influence of the song. It brought in massive mainstream appeal (see the promos of the first two Wrestlemanias) and made wrestling accessible to the 12-20 year demographic, something which was lacking before he came along.

Kurt Angle

Before there was hustle, loyalty and respect, there were the three I's—intelligence, integrity and intensity. It was about winning. It was about glory. And what better way to signify that than the powerful sounds of the trumpet? What's even better is that Angle's theme song allowed crowd participation with the famous "You Suck" chants. But Kurt Angle didn't suck. He went out and gave us some of the best wrestling matches we'll ever see. And when that victory came, he fell to his knees, the trumpets sounded - and it was glorious.

Stone Cold Steve Austin

*Glass Shatters* - Cue all hell breaking loose. The perfect set up for a superstar who defined the Attitude Era and this theme song sets the tone for the beer-drinking, McMahon-stunnering, mudhole-stomping, finger-waving, ass-whooper that he was. He said what he was going to do. He did it. And his theme song is the soundtrack to the chaos that many fans want to relive over and over again. 

Utimate Warrior

Warrior was, in one word, intense. That's the first thought that comes to mind when this theme song hits. The Ultimate Warrior would capture the electricity and excitement of this song by sprinting down the ramp and running around the ring, eventually climbing into it and shaking the ropes in a frenzy that can only be described as ultimate. Perhaps an exaggeration, but it's only fitting of his wildly random interviews. 

Chris Jericho

The countdown, the darkness, the explosions, and then the outstreched arms. I always loved him in WCW and it was a huge moment for the 12-year old me to see Chris Jericho make his debut in WWE. Another example of a wrestler's persona in a theme song. Also I always wondered why Jericho never used any of Fozzy's songs as his theme (even though TNA used 'Enemy' in one of their shite PPVs) and I realised he does not need to. His theme is so iconic, and tongue in cheek, that it says everything about the guy. Sample : "You can be my Judas. I'll be your Priest." (Judas Priest reference. Get it? *nudge nudge wink wink*)

D Generation X / New Age Outlaws

Even though these themes are not really that great from a musical standpoint, this was the very first instance of crowd involvement in the WWE. The crowds sang along, chanted and went completely bonkers when these themes played. Mind you this is before the age of Fandangoing, hashtags and viral marketing. The effectiveness of these themes resonate even in the PG era, as the crowds still go completey insane when either of the themes hit the PA. 

Edge

Everything about Edge screams excitement. I loved his old theme 'You think you know me', as it suited the antihero/vampire thing he had going on. I feel he came into his own as a complete singles wrestler after his heel turn and his self-anointment as the Rated R Superstar. The lyrics says everything that Edge's character was. He had paid his dues for 8 long years and finally he was taking what was his. By any means necessary. Metalingus indeed.

CM Punk

The voice of the voiceless has played an integral part in the rise of indie stars in the WWE. Bringing forward a hard-nosed work ethic and actual wrestling skills, the Second City Saint has been instrumental in changing what a 'wrestler' should be like in this generation. What sets him apart is his briliant choice in music (one of the many things we have in common, love of comic books being another one). Be it the cerebral-sounding 'Miseria Cante' from his ROH days, to 'This Fire Burns' by KSE to his current theme, CM Punk's themes say a lot about the person he is. Zero gimmicks. He is the Cult of Personality and it shows by his frequent 4th-wall breaching pipebombs, his Muay Thai inspired style and his rabid fans. Never to shy away from being a complete awesome dude that he is, the cherry on the cake was getting the notoriously media shy Living Color to actually perform the song for him this Wrestlemania. Says a lot about his drawing power  and, ironically, his popularity in the mainstream media.

Vince McMahon

El Heffe. The Boss. An interesting fact is that before his feud with Austin, he always walked out to the Raw theme. He changed his theme during the feud to 'No Chance' as a message to Austin that he apparently had no chance in regaining the smoking skull belt (which served as the WWE title back then). The very first instance I can remember where a theme song was in fact created to add an extra dimension to a character and add more color (for a lack of a better word) to the feud.  It was so effective that the theme has stuck with McMahon till this day regardless of whether he is playing a heel or a face.

The Undertaker

The ominous gong. You don't even have to be a wrestling fan to know that the The Phenom is coming and the end is nigh. The theme song alone adds to the aura of what the Deadman is and still sends a chill down the spine of seasoned wrestling fans. Even though he had kickass themes in his various avatars since making his debut in 1991, ranging from the brilliant 'You're Gonna Pay', to the cringe-worthy 'Rollin', it all pales in comparison to that extra dimension that this classic theme adds to his overall persona. The Demon of Death Valley indeed. 

Triple H

Motorhead. Nuff said.

Raw Review: 15th April 2013 - The Ryback Rises

Brief thoughts about each segment on the latest episode of Raw:

• Randy Orton/Sheamus defeat Big Show: It is unusual to see a heel booked on the wrong side of a handicap match, but JBL's commentary sold the story well. This was a good match to start off the show, but I am still wondering where this angle is heading since Sheamus looks set for a feud with Mark Henry. An Orton-Big Show singles rivalry would be a strange way to set up the heel turn that Randy Orton desperately needs. 6/10
• Brock Lesnar decimates 3MB and issues a challenge to Triple H: The execution of this angle was excellent. Lesnar can dish out a beating like nobody else, and Paul Heyman continues to be invaluable in selling ordinary storylines with his mic skills. However, while the segment itself was compelling, I am not among those looking forward to another Lesnar-Triple H match. With Lesnar working 3 to 4 matches a year, I'd rather see him in as many fresh rivalries as possible. 8/10
• Kofi Kingston defeats Antonio Cesaro for the US Championship: Good match, bad decision. I can't believe Kofi Kingston continues to be stuck in the cycle of winning and losing secondary championships, and I can't believe how much Antonio Cesaro's stock continues to fall on television. After repeatedly losing in non-title matches and being left off Wrestlemania, he has now lost his title in such throwaway fashion. I would like to believe that this will be the start of better things for both performers, but I have a feeling it would be too optimistic to do so. 7/10
• Jack Swagger interrupts title match, injures Del Rio: None of this is interesting me. Apart from the cash-in moment, Ziggler as champion has not felt special, and I am tired of Swagger's act. However, the Triple Threat they are building up to should be a good match. 5/10
• Team Hell No defeats Prime Time Players: The same old match. 4/10
• Ryback Explains His Heel Turn: I was surprised how good this was. WWE did a really nice job making it look like this feud has been brewing for months. Ryback's explanation was quite logical, and the video clips added credibility to his words. Full marks to Ryback as well for graduating from simplistic, catchphrase-oriented promos to something more meaningful. 8/10
• R-Truth defeats Wade Barrett: WWE really needs to come up with more creative ways of starting feuds for their secondary titles than having the champion lose non-title matches to new challengers. 4/10
• Teddy Long gives 'Bricky' the idea for Jack Swagger vs. Dolph Ziggler: The strangely interesting Booker-Teddy saga continues. Teddy, Vickie and Brad Maddox did a nice job in this segment. 7/10
• Team Rhodes Scholars defeat The Great Khali/Santino Marella: Damien Sandow and Cody Rhodes must be feeling quite low at this time, having being shunted off Mania and having no visible creative direction. The match itself was standard stuff. 5/10
• Fandango Talks: This was WWE's attempt to maintain the momentum of 'Fandangoing' without turning Fandango into a babyface. I can see what they were going for on paper, but the segment just didn't translate well live. 5/10
• Jack Swagger defeats Dolph Ziggler: Dolph Ziggler continues to lose despite winning the title. I hope he is not booked as a Rey Mysterio-type of vulnerable world champion, although that's what the rumours say. 6/10
• Mark Henry steamrolls Sheamus during backstage interview: That's what Mark Henry does. 7/10
• CM Punk walks off: Even when Punk is taking time off, he does it in the most interesting manner. He deserves the break, and his return should be intriguing to say the least. 8/10
• Booker T continues to lose patience with Teddy Long: And I continue to be interested by this angle. 7/10
• Nikki Bella defeats Kaitlyn: The third champion to lose a non-title match on the same night? You must be joking. 4/10
• John Cena Calls Out Ryback, Gets Attacked by the Shield as Ryback Looks On: This was a very effective segment, although Cena did not logically refute any of Ryback's accusations. However, we got to see the serious and intense Cena, who is exponentially better than goofy Cena. Ryback has undeniable presence, and can get away with not speaking during a promo such as this. His walking away while the Shield pummeled Cena cemented his heel turn. I think he could be compelling as a monster heel, but it will be interesting to see how they handle the 'Feed Me More' chants. 7/10

Overall Rating: 6.12/10

Best Performers: 1) Ryback 2) John Cena 3) Kofi Kingston

Time to Break the Streak?

This is not about whether The Undertaker's 20-match Wrestlemania winning streak will be broken this Sunday by CM Punk, because it won't. WWE has all but extinguished any doubt about the result by making this rivalry an extended tribute to the recently deceased Paul Bearer. Punk has plumbed the depths of villainy to dishonour the memory of the Undertaker's former manager. Taker has fumed and seethed, but much to his frustration has not been able to give Punk the beating he deserves. There is no way this storyline doesn't end with the disrespectful villain getting his comeuppance at the hands of the furious legend. So this is not about whether Undertaker will lose to Punk - this is about whether he should.

Not since Randy Orton squared off against the Deadman eight Wrestlemanias ago has there been such a strong calling from hardcore fans to end the most famous streak in wrestling history. Since then, The Undertaker has faced Mark Henry, Batista and Edge on the grandest stage, and famously taken on Shawn Michaels and Triple H twice each. We knew Undertaker would win those matches, and accepted it without fuss. So what is different about Punk?

Professional wrestling works on a well-established model. Over time, a series of victories over increasingly high-profile opponents gives a wrestler credibility in the audience's eyes. When the wrestler has proven his ability to draw crowds, he becomes a star. He will be featured in main events where he will mostly win to protect his stardom. But after a while, he does not need victories because the audience has come to respect him for his tenure. He can now lose matches, and does so - usually to elevate new performers and build their credibility so they can be future stars. The cycle continues.

In such an environment, winning streaks are wasted opportunities. This is not a real sport. For example, it is of little use for a wrestler to win his retirement match and go out on top when he can lose and give someone the opportunity of bragging about ending his career. He can help make a star on his way out. Personal records have no meaning in pro wrestling.

And so, the greatest personal record is also the greatest opportunity. In his 22-year career in WWE, the Undertaker has won 20 matches at Wrestlemania, and lost none. It is an incredible figure that will probably never again be matched. "The Streak" is arguably WWE's best ever storyline and certainly its longest-running: It has played out over twenty years as one challenger after another have tried and failed to make a name for themselves by ending the Undertaker's dominance at Wrestlemania. But if the Undertaker retires with the Streak intact, who benefits from it? The Undertaker's legacy is already immortal, and is bigger than the Streak. His mystique is too massive to be diminished by one loss, even if it is the loss that ends his Streak. Won't WWE be squandering the chance to create a star for life? The person breaking the Streak would not only become a main eventer for the rest of his career and make WWE pots of money, he would probably instantly punch his ticket to the Hall of Fame.

But here's the tricky part. Whom can WWE rely on to shoulder the enormous responsibility of breaking the Streak? Veterans can be trusted, but they do not need the victory. Can the company ever put that much faith in any youngster? What if the audience rejects him? What if he decides to leave WWE for movies or mixed martial arts, as some who achieved early stardom have done? What if he makes poor personal choices and embarrasses the company? Ending the Streak is an enormous risk. Who can possibly be worth it?

If there is anyone, it just might be this man.

CM Punk is the most extraordinary talent to emerge in WWE in years. He calls himself "The Best in the World", and it is a very fair claim. He is definitely several miles ahead of anyone else in WWE at the moment. He is one of the very best in-ring performers in the world, and he is truly in a league of his own with the microphone. He will be remembered as one of the best talkers in history, maybe even the best. He is so brilliant with his acting that it doesn't even look like acting. He truly makes the audience believe that he means every word and gesture. In the 3-hour RAW episodes that abound with dull storylines, flat writing and one-dimensional characters, CM Punk is consistently the shining highlight. He is an artist who never disappoints.

Punk has long been an Internet darling, but after his famous "pipe-bomb" promo in 2011, he has caught fire with the larger WWE audience as well. When he was a babyface, he was cheered as much as John Cena, often more. He was the first person in a decade to beat Cena in merchandise sales - nobody had even come close for years. Now that he's a heel, nobody else gets nearly as much heat from the audience as he does. He can manipulate crowds at will. In short, CM Punk is over with the audience - he has established his credibility beyond doubt.

At 34, Punk is probably in the optimal phase of his career - he is neither too old to be considered the old guard, nor too young to be a rookie. He probably has 7 to 8 years of wrestling left in him, and that's a conservative estimate going by average career spans. And although CM Punk may be a rebel, he is a very good employee. He can be brash and outspoken, but with his clean lifestyle he will never be pulled over for drunk driving, suspended for drug abuse or found unconscious in a hotel room. He is not likely to be a liability to the company. If ever WWE had to bet on someone to beat the Streak and be able live up to it, they would have to bet on CM Punk.

But should WWE take this bet? The Undertaker's Streak was always a formidable thing, but it has taken on mythical proportions in the last four years with his awe-inspiring series of matches with Shawn Michaels and Triple H, which culminated in the spectacular Hell in a Cell encounter last year. CM Punk is many things, but he is not nearly as big a name as Michaels or Triple H. There is a very real possibility that a CM Punk victory would seem like an anticlimax to a story that probably peaked last year with the "End of an Era" match. This has been the best argument I have come across so far in favour of keeping the Streak alive. But I believe there is another, more important reason why the Streak shouldn't die - the Undertaker himself.

Many names are thrown around when the greatest WWE wrestlers of all time are discussed. Bruno Sammartino was WWF Champion for a total of around eight years. Hulk Hogan was the first to truly capture the imagination of a mass audience. Stone Cold Steve Austin was the hottest star at the hottest time in the industry's history. The Rock has achieved more crossover appeal than any other wrestler. The all-round abilities talents of Ric Flair, Randy Savage, Shawn Michaels, Bret Hart, Kurt Angle, Chris Jericho and now CM Punk have seen them feature as regulars in the discussion.

I am a big fan of these great performers, but in my opinion nobody has come close to encapsulating what it means to be a professional wrestler more than the Undertaker.

Since his debut in 1990, the Undertaker has been a towering presence spanning multiple phases in wrestling- the colourful, over-the-top early 1990s, the Attitude Era that followed, the transition period in the early 2000s and the current PG Era - and he has been the one constant factor in all of them, without ever seeming anachronistic or out of date. He has portrayed two drastically different gimmicks - "The Deadman" and "The American Badass" with equal skill. He has won seven  world championships, seven tag team championships and a Royal Rumble. He has faced mat technicians, luchadors, high fliers and giants - and had great matches with them all. He moves with incredible speed and agility for a man standing 6 feet 10 inches tall and weighing 300 pounds. He has actually gotten better with age - wrestling one of the greatest Wrestlemania matches in history at the age of 47 last year. In addition to all this, he possesses unparalleled in-ring presence and definitely the best entrance in wrestling history.

But the Undertaker is not just a wrestler, he is a professional wrestler. This is one of the few men who stuck with WWE when Ted Turner's money was luring the biggest talent to rival company WCW in the 1990s. He is the only wrestler to have wrestled on the very 1st episode of Monday Night Raw (twenty years ago) to remain an active performer to this day. His contemporaries have retired (or been forced to), departed for other promotions or left to try their luck in Hollywood at other forms of entertainment. The Undertaker has been unwavering - a WWE wrestler through and through. He is renowned as a locker room leader, a rock for his peers to lean on and look up to during the ugliest moments in the company's history - the steroid trial in the 1990s, the Montreal Screwjob, the Chris Benoit tragedy. Stories of his physical toughness are legendary. To quote one - In the 2010 Elimination Chamber, his coat caught fire during his entrance. After dousing himself with water, he wrestled an intensely physical, 35-minute match with bad burns on his chest.

In his 23rd year with WWE, the Undertaker has not been associated with one single illicit affair, drug scandal, DUI arrest, bar brawl or backstage fight. He has never so much as given a controversial interview or taken a shot at a celebrity. He has as many incidences of unprofessional conduct on his record as he has losses at Wrestlemania - zero. Each of his peers has had at least some detractors - Ric Flair is crtiticized for his lifestyle, Shawn Michaels for his early drug problems, Bret Hart for taking himself too seriously, Steve Austin for his lack of longevity, and so on - The Undertaker is arguably the only wrestler in history to have commanded universal respect - from his employers, his peers and the fans.

I said earlier how the Streak would logically have to end given the traditions of professional wrestling, but the normal rules don't apply here. It's not that the Undertaker is bigger than wrestling, but he truly does encompass it. In a sense the Undertaker really is undefeated, because no other performer approaches his achievements. Just as Paul Bearer's urn symbolizes the Undertaker's soul, the Undertaker and his Streak have come to symbolize the soul of professional wrestling -unmarred by its creaking bones and scarred flesh. We fans spend the large part of our time complaining about all of wrestling's warts and moles - lackluster rosters, poorly written storylines, idiotic gimmicks or real-life controversies. But once a year, when that gong sounds, we are transported to the last surviving corner of purity in the industry, and we get to witness the very heights of what professional wrestling can be.

And so, the Streak must live on. Rest in peace, Punk.

The Phil Brooks Award - Best Executed Face/Heel Turn of 2011

This award honours the best "turn" of the year, in which a wrestler was shifted to the other end of the good/evil spectrum in the most compelling manner. Named after CM Punk, whose turn from a generic babyface to militant preacher is one of the best in wrestling history.

Last Year's Awards:

Winner - Randy Orton (From Heel to Face - Slow Turn in January 2010)

1st Runner Up - Mr. Anderson (From Heel to Face - at TNA Sacrifice)

2nd Runner Up - Jeff Hardy (From Face to Heel - at TNA Bound For Glory)

WINNER - CM PUNK (FROM HEEL TO FACE - JUNE 27 2011)

A little over six minutes is all it took to transform CM Punk from one of the most despised heels as the leader of the New Nexus to the biggest anti-establishment babyface since Stone Cold Steve Austin. Punk's venomous, semi-shoot promo ripping Vince McMahon and the WWE is now legendary (If you haven't watched it, Google 'CM Punk 27 June' NOW) but I doubt if even Punk himself anticipated that it would turn him into a face almost immediately. Punk masterfully suppressed the mounting cheers during his speech by turning on the crowd, but by the following week's RAW, he had become a face in the eyes of a large part of the audience. The transformation was always instant. The fans recognized that they had seen something special, and just couldn't boo the man anymore. I do not know if this was an accidental turn, but it was a fantastic one nevertheless. Punk may be a master heel, but he has since proved to be a great face as well, managing to garner huge crowd support without losing the edge that sets him apart.

1st RUNNER UP - MARK HENRY (FROM FACE TO HEEL - APRIL 25 2011)

Mark Henry's Wikipedia page has a section titled "Face Turn and Various Tag Teams (2009-2011)" and that pretty much defines his career for the last two years. However, on the Draft episode of RAW, WWE turned Mark Henry heel by having him attack John Cena and Christian, whom he was partnering in a six-man tag match. The turn itself was routine textbook material - if there was a text book on how to become a heel, 'Attack Tag Team Partner' would probably be in the first chapter. However, it was the aftermath of the turn that was truly outstanding. WWE booked Mark Henry as an unstoppable monster, having him destroy Big Show, Kane and Vladimir Kozlov, and also showcasing him in amazing feats of strength, such as ripping off the door of a steel cage. This was a fantastically executed heel turn that finally made Mark Henry relevant after fifteen years and brought him a World Heavyweight Championship.

2nd RUNNER UP - SHEAMUS (FROM HEEL TO FACE - SLOW TURN IN JUNE 2011)

This was another case of a crowd defining a wrestler's direction. Sheamus's highly physical wrestling style and no-nonsense demeanour was beginning to earn him a fair amount of cheers during his matches. WWE decided to embrace this favourable sentiment and turn Sheamus babyface. It was apparent in early June that WWE was holding off from having Sheamus do any particularly nefarious deeds, as he transitioned into a tweener. When Sheamus returned in just two weeks from a Randy Orton punt, it built up the audience's respect for him. WWE perfectly sealed his face turn by having him be the first to confront a rampaging Mark Henry. Everyone loves someone who stands up to a bully, and WWE used the fact very cleverly to consolidate support for the Irishman. The turn seems to have worked really well. Sheamus frequently receives among the biggest pops of the night and looks set for a big push and possibly a Royal Rumble victory heading into 2012.

The Scott Hall Award - Most Embarrassing Wrestling Personality of 2011

This award recognizes the person whose behaviour caused the most shame, or indeed, concern, to the professional wrestling industry. It may be awarded to someone who gave the business a bad name through his/her actions, or just someone who has acted like a complete idiot. Named after Scott Hall, who has had a sadly distinguished history of embarrassing behaviour.

Last Year's Awards:

Winner - Bubba the Love Sponge

1st Runner Up - Matt Hardy

2nd Runner Up - Scott Hall

WINNER - MATT HARDY

I wrote about Matt Hardy antics last year in a humorous manner, but it would be mean-spirited to do the same this time considering that he has regressed from what were attention-seeking and immature antics a year ago into genuinely self-destructive behaviour. He was hired by TNA early in the year after being let go by WWE late in 2010. Although he continued to post ridiculous videos and annoying messages online, the first sign of a serious downward spiral came in August when he crashed into a tree while driving drunk. He was soon released by TNA, although in typical Matt Hardy fashion, he claimed that the entire ordeal had been a rebirth for him, and that he had felt the "Blood of an angel" flowing inside him as he lay in the wreckage of his car. A few days later he did something truly frightening, posting a "Goodbye World" suicide video on Youtube. Concerned fans made around thirty calls to 911, and the police reached Hardy's home only to find that he had been faking. This of course lead to angry backlash against Matt online, including harsh words from Jeff's wife. Matt promptly backed down, using the preposterous reasoning that since the words 'suicide' or 'death' had never been in the video, it was all in our imaginations. He continued to have a horribly troubled year, including three arrests in a single month for counts of drunk driving and possession of drugs. He appeared to take a positive step by joining a WWE-sponsored rehab program, but was kicked out for secretly drinking alcohol, following which he was arrested again. It is sad to think Matt Hardy has reached this state when he was once considered the level-headed and easygoing of the Hardy brothers. I truly hope he manages to get his life back in order in 2012.

1st RUNNER UP - JEFF HARDY

Unlike his brother Matt who has only recently begun acting like an idiot, Jeff Hardy has had years of experience. WWE must be silently thankful that they got rid of him when they did, even though it seemed like a big blow at the time. Less than two weeks after Jeff's departure from WWE in 2009 did his infamous arrest for drug possession and trafficking take place. The game of legal hopscotch that he and his lawyers successfully played in 2010 continued in 2011, with innumerable delays, adjournments and continuances meaning that he successfully stayed out of jail for most of the year. He only ended up with a fine, 30 months of probation and 10 days in jail. I am not qualified to make an assessment as to whether that is legally fair, but I am still amazed that despite his proven unreliability TNA still wanted this man to be their World Heavyweight Champion at the start of the year. Their decision blew up in their face at Victory Road in March. Apparently Hardy showed up completely high and in no condition to wrestle. This resulted in one of the most embarrassing main events in wrestling history. With Jeff Hardy barely able to function much less work a match, his opponent Sting had to legitimately use his strength and pin him in a match that lasted 88 seconds. The crowd was justifiably furious, and even Sting was shaking his head and could be seen saying "I agree" to the fans. TNA had to offer fans who bought the PPV free access to their video library for six months in compensation. Jeff was sent home, and only returned months later to perform. The first thing he did was apologize to the fans and ask for one more chance to finally get his life back in order, and we can only hope he does because he is a genuinely talented and exciting performer.

2nd RUNNER UP - MELINA

Since I couldn't fairly mock Matt and Jeff for their serious problems, I am glad to able to write about Melina as the third most embarrassing wrestling personality of 2011 purely for her extremely vocal opinions, which thankfully coincide with outstandingly annoying personality traits, bad spelling and mild stupidity to make for some nice comic relief. As much as WWE did to promote Twitter in 2011, Melina was among the leading arguments against the website. Following her release from WWE, she continuously weighed in with expert critique on wrestling, using a shrillness usually reserved for fingernails on a chalkboard. She alternated between commenting that high powers were strangling the 'art of wrestling' due to certain events on the latest RAW and claiming that she did not watch the show anyway, so could we please tell her what these certain events on the latest RAW were. Yes, you read that right. The woman whose greatest contribution to wrestling was the sight of a full split in a skirt did in fact make choice comments on the art of wrestling. But let's back up a minute...why was she released? Melina had always had heat in the locker room, but the final straw may have come at Wrestlemania. Melina was apparently hugely jealous that Trish Stratus had got a spot on the card, feeling that she deserved it instead. Due to this, she and her boyfriend John Morrison were apparently hugely disrespectful to the universally-liked Trish. Morrison, who was in the match with Trish even refused to listen to her ideas and gave her the could shoulder during the post-match celebrations. We don't know if this was the breaking point, but Melina was released in a couple of months. Embarrassingly, she continued to accompany John Morrison on the road, and eventually had to be told to leave the arena before an episode of RAW. Here's hoping Melina sticks to what she does best and uses her Twitter account only to post pictures of herself doing splits.

New Year's Special - 12 Suggestions for WWE in 2012 - Part 2

As promised, here is Part 2, with Abhishek Sen weighing in with his half. He too is a hardcore wrestling fan, as will become obvious when you read this post. He also has his own blog, which you can read at http://scene-unsorted.blogspot.com. So here are his six suggestions for WWE in 2011:

GIVE US MORE OF TOUGH ENOUGH

As the Wrestling year started in April, Tough Enough was being promoted as the newest and next big thing in profesional wrestling. And it did not disappoint with contestants like Jeremiah, from an MMA background, Miss America Rima Fakih, 'Pretty Boy' Luke Robinson, Martin Casuas (personal favorite), & the eventual winner Andy Leavine. The best part of Tough Enough was that it showed what it took to become a professional wrestler. Even non-wrestling fans sat up and took notice at the conditioning, dedication and will it takes to perform at the highest level everyday. The star-mentoring was great, with appearances from John Cena, Big Show, Bret Hart, The Miz, & The Rock amongst others. But the real surprise package was Stone Cold Steve Austin, as the mentor for the contestants and the host of the show. I was a bit circumspect as to whether Austin could carry the mantle of being a reality show host, but he did it with the pure Texan aplomb that made him such a fan favourite to start with.

P.S. Booker T losing his shit with Ryan was a legendary TV moment.

BRING BACK THE MEGA-STABLES

I, for one, love the old school Mega Stables. Major stars, all in one group, under the tutelage of someone who is (or at least thinks he is the) best. WWE has been the home of some awesome stables. Evolution, DX, The Corporation, The Nation of Domination, The Ministry of Darkness, The Corporate Ministry are some of the names which come to mind when you talk of Mega stables. I guess stables are one of the best ways to build up stars (Case in point : Orton, Batista, Chyna, HHH, The Rock, Edge). For a company that has a major problem in starpower, this is one tried and tested method that is almost guaranteed not to fail.

TURN CM PUNK HEEL

This guy singlehandedly made wrestling relevant again. One promo in June was all it took to get the ball rolling and make wrestling fun again. Then HHH and his massive ego completely destroyed his momentum, but 2011 was the year of CM Punk. Firebrand promos, amazing ringwork and brilliant storytelling made this guy the best wrestler in the pro wrestling world in 2011. That being said, I personally feel Punk works best when he is despised. His militant straight-edge views, razor-sharp promos (refer to the Jeff Hardy feud) make him a wrestler fans love to hate. (Remember the segment of him & Randy Orton, in Orton's tour bus or his nefarious manipulation in the Rumble match last year) I would love to see him turn heel personally, though I know its not gonna happen. But it definitely will be a shot in the arm for a company who have a major problem when it comes to finding a Mega Heel.

PRESERVE THE SANCTITY OF SPECIALTY MATCHES AND DON'T USE THEM AS GIMMICKS TO MAKE NEW PPVs

One of my pet peeves, this. WWE has demeaned so many of the matches that were once legendary. Matches like Hell in a Cell, TLC and Extreme Rules were all matches which catapulted lesser beings to immortality and gave us many a 'Holy Crap' moment. I don't understand why the WWE (read Vince McMahon) has chosen to cancel many of the PPVs that the wrestling fans of the 90's grew up watching. Unforgiven, Armageddon, Fully Loaded, Bad Blood are some of the PPVs which come to mind when talking about the old PPVs. I shudder to think what would happen if Iron Man is made into a PPV! Plus, I think we can agree that the older PPV names were much cooler.

GIVE DOLPH ZIGGLER A ROYAL RUMBLE VICTORY

Another guy who had an amazing 2011. Great in-ring work, constant improvement on the mic, and Dolph Ziggler is fast becoming a guy who can draw genuine heat from the fans. The only logical step for the WWE is now to give him an opportunity in the main event. He has been a mid-carder for too long, and personally I would love to see him win the Royal Rumble this year. That would give the WWE a great chance in finding out if Ziggler has what it takes to carry the company. I would agree with my tag partner ADM, that we both see a little bit of Shawn Michaels in Ziggler. So I say give him the proverbial ball and let him run with it.

TURN JOHN CENA HEEL

This HAS to happen. Not only will it make for great TV, but it also will possibly save John Cena's career & credibility. WWE has screwed the pooch with Cena's booking over the past 18 months. He has been made to look like a superhuman, Hulk-Hoganesque, can-rise-above-any-adversity type of character. I completely understand that the WWE's demography has changed, and with the PG thing, it is trying to garner a more mainstream appeal. But they have to realise that Cena has over stayed his run as a face. Its more & more evident each & every week on Raw. I guess with the feud with The Rock at WM coming up, a heel turn seems imminent. But WWE has been changing storylines (or forgetting about them) for quite some time now. One of the best storylines in recent history was Hogan turning heel & forming the nWo. That defined a generatoion & set the tone for what was to be called the Monday Night Wars. With Raw's viewership falling consistently every week & PPV buys dwindling, this is the one change which needs to take place.

New Year's Special - 12 Suggestions for WWE in 2012 - Part 1

A very Happy New Year to all you readers! The skeptic may at this point snicker and say "Which readers?", but they can doubt all they want, for my visitor count seems to suggest that my blog is, however inexplicably, being read or at least visited by sentient beings. Of course, the more diligent and annoying skeptic might then ask whether I and these sentient beings have ever been seen together in the same place. Moving on.

We will be having our very first guest blogger shortly - Abhishek Sen, a fellow wrestlemaniac from Shillong will chime in with his thoughts. You can read his blog here at http://scene-unsorted.blogspot.com. This is hopefully the first of many collaborations on The Gorilla Post.

Today's post is about 12 things we would like to see WWE doing in 2012. (Aren't you glad it isn't 1999?). We both came up with our own lists - they were quite different,but had some overlapping points. Eventually we narrowed it down, and we will each write about 6 suggestions (Although wishes may be a more appropriate word).

So here we go, with my half in Red. His will follow shortly in Blue.

BRING BACK JR

Among all the unfathomable decisions that WWE has made over the last couple of years, perhaps one of the most bizarre is replacing Jim Ross with Michael Cole as the voice of the WWE. I understand the need to make prudent decisions with an eye on the future, but benching arguably the greatest play-by-play announcer in the history of wrestling when he's still in fine health and top form is not a prudent decision, and Michael Cole is not much of a future. Some of the greatest wrestling memories of the past are preserved in my head accompanied by the soundtrack of JR's commentary ("Stunner! Bah gawd he's broken in half", "Shawn Michaels is the World Champion.Do you believe in miracles?", "I just had an out of body experience!") while all that the announcers seem to talk about since his departure is what's trending worldwide on Twitter. Enough. Bring him back.

REBUILD THE TAG DIVISION

Tag team wrestling is a legitimately different skill from singles wrestling. It adds an interesting aspect of teamwork to the story of each match, contains ample potential for drama, high spots, chain wrestling and is also a great way for undercard wrestlers to develop their skills and get over with the crowd. The basic dynamic of good vs. evil often takes on more intensity when there are teams involved. For this reason, tag teams often form strong bonds with audiences. WWE has been sadly ignoring this art for around six years, and they do it a great disservice whenever they shove together two wrestlers to forcibly construct a short-term alliance instead of building complementary and synchronized teams. The division seems to have seen some resurgence over the last few months due to decent teams like Air Boom, The Usos and Primo & Epico. This needs to continue in 2012. It would be great if WWE hired some known teams from the independent circuit.

HIRE FEMALE WRESTLERS, NOT MODELS

I get it. WWE loves gorgeous women. Who doesn't? But it makes me cringe every time I see Kelly Kelly bounce awkwardly off the ropes or Alicia Fox throw a punch. Even if WWE were only hiring pretty faces (and I'm not saying they are) I refuse to believe there are no decent looking women in the world who also happen know what to do inside a ring. If you belong to that school of thought, I've got two words for you: Trish Stratus. There is a large enough pool of female wrestlers in the world to at least make an effort. Continue to feature the Kellys and Eves. They are improving and will continue to do so. But give great female performers the chance to showcase their talent in the biggest wrestling company in the world. The young male demographic isn't as fixated on looks as you think. Give us a hell of a match, and we'll thank you for it.

CHANGE THE WWE CHAMPIONSHIP BELT

Gather a hundred people who have never seen wrestling before. Give them a brief history of the industry. Tell them about its most prestigious prize - a championship belt that has been handed down with honour over half a century, starting with Buddy Rogers in 1963, all the way to CM Punk in 2011. Now tell them to sketch what they think this holy artifact would look like, based on the description. Then tell them to sketch large shiny objects that they think might be found in Snoop Dogg's attic. Do you see where I'm going with this?

"The current title is old and passe. Its gaudy and ugly. It says "Champ" instead of Champion. That's ridiculous! I need a dignified title, not a blinged out rapper accessory." - CM Punk

"When football players win the Super Bowl or basketball players win the NBA finals, you'll usually see one of the players sporting a championship from WWE. But it's always the World Heavyweight Title. It doesn't take much to figure out why that is." - The Miz

BUILD STORYLINES AROUND CHAMPIONSHIPS

Look at the biggest angles of the last couple of years. The Nexus. John Cena getting "fired". The Rock returning to challenge John Cena. CM Punk leading a 'reality' revoultion. What do they all have in common? They all featured the WWE Championship, but the storylines had nothing to do with the title, relying on great dramatic hooks instead. Lance Storm really made an excellent point last year when he suggested on his blog that falling pay-per-view buys and TV ratings might be due to WWE focusing on storylines rather than angles. The difference? In the old days, wrestlers would be built up individually, and an angle (intersection of the two lines or paths taken by the separate performers) constructed to set up a match between the two. The anticipation would be solely for the match. In the modern WWE, all the intrigue is about whether someone will get fired, leave, come back, betray someone or align with someone else. As a result, the casual fans don't have to watch the show to find out what happens. They can skip the pay-per-view main event and watch RAW instead. They can even forget about RAW and go online. Professional wrestling works best when its about the matches. The championships are a legitimately big deal. They need to be treated with respect again. It's sports entertainment. Sports comes first.

DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO BOOK CM PUNK vs. CHRIS JERICHO FOR WRESTLEMANIA

"The Best in the World".

Wrestling is traditionally full of hyperbole and exaggeration. But when CM Punk calls himself the best wrestler in the world, he is telling the truth. By "wrestler" here, what he means is "performer", and no wrestler in the world is a more complete performer than Punk at this point. Or should I say no active wrestler. Because there is one man in recent memory who has performed at just as high a level as Punk is doing right now. Perhaps higher. He even called himself the best in the world two years ago, and at the time he was telling the truth too. That man is Chris Jericho. To those of you who sneer at wrestling and consider its practitioners brainless, I challenge you to look at CM Punk and Chris Jericho and still say the same thing with a straight face. Here are two performers who elevate wrestling to high art - staying in touch with the audience, continuously evolving their looks and characters, incorporating elements from both popular and obscure culture into their personas and always staying fresh, relevant and interesting. These are men who are masters of the microphone and generals of the ring, alchemists who turn everything that they touch into gold. In a landscape populated by athletes, actors and apers, these men are artists. Which is why WWE must do anything in their power to get Chris Jericho to come back, even if it is only to feud with CM Punk for Wrestlemania. Promise him a movie, an unreasonable amount of money or a night with the Bella twins. Whatever it takes. When he left, Jericho said he would come back if the time was right. Well, the time is right . Wrestlemania is being headlined by the two biggest stars of Jericho's and Punk's respective generations. Bring back Chris Jericho, and the artists can show the stars how it's really done.